A Funny thing called Closure

I recently put up a blog post called "What Are the Break Up Rules?" talking about a recent situation that had ended. It felt like things happened very quickly and before I knew it was over. Just like it.  I wasn’t ready and I certainly didn’t want it to end but it was over and I had to try and get over it. To be hundred percent honest I am still coming to terms with it being over. 

Having always been one of those people who has always been a big believer of getting closure, and the importance of gaining it no matter what the situation is. With this in mind, I thought it was necessary that I did the same with this situation.

I tried to reach out to my ex and he wasn't ready to talk to me so let’s just say it didn't end very well. However, knowing the type of person he is I don't know what else I really expected, to be honest. I guess I just thought it would turn out differently. 

Anyways - let's fast-forward and he recently contacted me, and long story short we have now come to some form of a truce. I guess the part of me that still wanted it to work out was still hopefully it would work out but in hindsight, I'm actually happy with the way things are now. Of course, I will always care greatly about him because he was a big part of my life for a long period of time but if I'm honest with myself, we just don't work. 

Funny thing I've learnt is sometimes the things we wish for – isn’t always what is best for us. I am happy we are in a better place but I guess as cliché as it sounds everything happens for a happen.

It's one of those things that should fit but it doesn't which is good because it also taught me something about myself as a person (which I always knew deep down).

Going through this whole experience has really got me thinking about our need for closure and how we often crave it after a relationship ends.

Unfortunately, the other person isn’t always willing to give it to us how we want it or just isn’t ready to have that conversation or a painful as this might be just doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

It has made me see that if that is the case for you then you might need to just give yourself closure on what happened and move on. Plus sometimes it just isn’t really that necessary to receive it from the ex for you to move on. Think about it - you might be feeling better and once you speak to them there is a small likelihood that they might say mention something about why it didn’t work that will set you back completely from getting over them. Then just like that you are back to square one again.

Yes - I know it is a hard pill to swallow but at times you may have to move on without getting the closure by speaking to the other person about what went wrong. Sometimes it isn’t us.  Sometimes it isn’t them either.  The truth is occasionally something that seems like it should work simply doesn’t and that is okay.

Something I’m slowly coming to terms with now following the end of my last situation. There were moments with this person when things started to go wrong (the red flags if you will) that I should have just walked away but I didn’t because I still cared dearly about him and really, really wanted it to work. 

I’m not saying he is a bad person (far from it) but I guess his way doing this and my way of doing things aren't compatible. Ultimately, that is why we could never work because we have different approaches to handling certain dilemmas. So unless the person is willing to work on things with you or you are willing to compromise yourself and your happiness for the sake of the other, you may just have to walk away. 

I don’t know if it is was the romantic in me that made me hard to see this or if I was simply struggling to handle that it just isn’t going to happen the way I wanted it to. 

Even if you do want them back, try and remember why it did not work. Plus it will leave you feeling as insecure as hell. Like Caryn Beth Rosenthal said “I was constantly begging for my ex’s love and attention. I never knew when he was gonna drop the bomb again. Not a way to live. I had zero self-esteem and felt unattractive and insecure like you wouldn’t believe — and I’m a confident, good-lookin’ chick! What up with that BS????”. When your self-confidence does eventually comes back, you will remember this and think how did I ever forget that?

I remember seeing a meme on Instagram once that said something along the lines of when you like someone that is when common sense leaves your body. Whilst I think that is extreme there is some truth to it. You really do become blinded by love.

If I have any former The City fans you might remember this piece of sassy (and very true) advice below from Diane to Whitney on relationships:

Advice a la Diane Von Furstenberg:

"The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself."

Yes - giving your relationship your best efforts is important when you meet someone but also remember that your relationship with yourself is equally, if not more important. You can care about someone greatly but you have to remember you are just as important as they are.

Love,

Gemma Ama x